Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
