if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
