i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
