I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
