She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
