But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So drunk its hurt
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
