"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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