I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
