Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
