"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
