What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
