It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
