I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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