i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
