I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize