I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
