If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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