I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
