Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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