He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
