Non-Jews are for practice
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
