Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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