you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
