You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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