Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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