it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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