Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
