She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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