how can u be prego again
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
