Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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