At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
