I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
