So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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