Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
