I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
