I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
