how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
