I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
