Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
