i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
