Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
