Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
