an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
