Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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