my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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