I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
