I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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