I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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