my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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