It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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