i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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